New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
