Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
