he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
