I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
