we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
