Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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