i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I touched a dick in church today
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
