the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
