There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
