If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
