I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
