i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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