Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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