eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize