do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
