Got a toothbrush?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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