my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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