Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
