If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
