im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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