Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
