Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
