11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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