I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
