dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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