It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
