I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
