if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
