This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
