Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
