Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
