I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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