Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
