We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
