just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
