On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
