i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Never underestimate the power of titties
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
