Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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