My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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