I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
