I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
