So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
