time to smoke my breakfast
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have fence marks all over my body
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
