Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
