Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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