Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
