She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
