I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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