I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
