Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
