I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
