We won't sleep together?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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