so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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