It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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