After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
