What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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