How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
