omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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