This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
