Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
