so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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