I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
