I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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