is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
