So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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