Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
