Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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