obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
